#so it just. doesn't look too good. greyscale it is! as funny as it is to make a greyscale gif out of a happy colorful set lol

[leatherbookmark]

he's explaining! 🤓

[sortasirius]

"Ghost of a Second Chance" and the Haunting of Eddie Diaz

Okay I finally have some semblance of cohesive thoughts on this episode, so here goes.

Long ass post below:

First of all, the stalker/kidnapping situation was, in fact, harrowing. 911 always knows how to pull off a good twist, I had no inkling that she HADN'T been kidnapped by her husband until Athena figured it out.

The theme of this whole post is, essentially, that I love the way 911 handles past trauma. It's messy and difficult and often not a linear path to healing. We see that with Maddie and with Eddie in this episode in particular, with foreshadowing for Bobby as well.

Sorry I just love seeing them work a call, like these are my emotional support firefighters <3

I'm also loving this arc with Hen and Karen, they're such good parents and are fighting so hard for Mara. And to have Denny be the one she talks to first? To have him be the one that she opens up to? They've raised him so so so well.

Chris is the best and I love him.

And so...Eddie.

"Not too late. We can turn around and leave her now."

Yeah alright, throwaway line meant to be a joke. Sure. But we really don't know Marisol like that. We haven't spent enough time with her to know that he doesn't actually feel this way. Hell, the last time we had a scene with her he was asking her to move out and grinning from ear to ear when she agreed. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand that...he's just not that into her.

And here we are, with Chris and Marisol walking ahead of him, and Eddie looking into a store to see Shannon's literal doppleganger folding some shirts.

Immediately, we get scenes of them together. Laughing, kissing, looking at one another, but there are a few things that I find interesting here, first and foremost how these shots are colored.

They're washed out, not fully black and white, but sort of greyscale. I saw someone else talk about how they're colored this way because Eddie doesn't remember them clearly anymore, and I have latched onto this, it makes perfect sense.

I do think part of him is terrified of losing these memories, clinging to them in a way, and seeing this woman in the store sort of brought them all to the surface, giving him something to almost cling to.

"You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Yeah haha, just saw the double of my dead wife in the store, no biggie.

I have to laugh.

When Maddie realizes that Catherine never told her that she was with her husband, you can really tell that this call is dragging up a lot for her, which goes back to my point on how well this show portrays non-linear healing. Even though she left Doug in the woods and moved on with her life, even though she has Jee and fought her PPD and won, even though she's married to Chimney, a part of her will always look over her shoulder expecting to see him there. She's come such a long way, but trauma like that doesn't just go away, it's something that she'll battle forever.

I'm also loving the look into the broken foster system for Hen and Karen. They want to do right by Mara, but how can they when they're not given all the information, when they weren't told about Tyson because Deirdre wasn't allowed to tell them?

I loved Amir's scene with Maddie and I'm DEPRESSED that he's going to try and kill the love of my life Bobby.

Eddie just LURKING outside this store to see mirror Shannon...boy...

Sorry but the "do you trust me?" YOU'RE SELLING HIM A CANDLE GIRL HE DOESN'T KNOW YOU.

"Well then you have no reason not to trust me." Spoken like a true serial killer lmfao.

Unfortunately Eddie Diaz is in the depths of delusion and this corny line worked on him.

You have to admit it is so fucking funny that he's on the brink of cheating with a sales associate trying to sell him an ugly ass keychain who looks like his dead wife who asked him for a divorce approximately 37 seconds before she died. Like that is peak comedy and I won't pretend otherwise.

"It's me, your husband?" Chim I know you say this to Maddie 400 times a day and I love you for it.

"Tell me about the woman in the passenger seat of that car."

He's so open with her, so unafraid to see her as she is, the good and the scary, and he loves her anyway, just as she loves him. Sorry I'm just emo about them.

I genuinely could not tell the difference between blonde Shannon and bangs Shannon. I had a meltdown through that entire scene thinking that he was fucking Kim. But it's fine because he was just fantasizing about fucking his dead wife while carrying a conversation with his girlfriend.

Eddie Diaz let me study you.

I find this idea so fascinating, the way he’s clearly looking at their relationship with rose colored glasses, how he remembers the positives only, not the fights, not the arguments, not the fact that he ran away from her twice when he enlisted in the army. He only remembers the good sex, the smiles, the laughter, even though that was a tiny part of their relationship, nearly negligible at times.

This isn’t the first time Eddie’s done this either, he’s talked before about how their relationship was “magic” when it definitely wasn’t.

Overall, I find this a really interesting look into grief, into how we remember the best parts of people we loved, how we can be so willing to forget the things that didn’t work, the anger and the fights.

Eddie has never really dealt with Shannon's death, he’s pushed it to the side for Chris, keeps going even when he feels like he’s going to break apart. And now it seems like it's finally caught up with him, like meeting Kim tore it all open again, and he's haunted by Shannon again, by his guilt for how it ended and what he wished he had done differently.

OBSESSED with Buck tackling this guy like yes himbo king use those football skills.

AND Dad reflexes Chim I truly am living.

I feel like Vincent has no idea that she brought Tyson to see Mara, and I feel like that will come back into play later.

Domestic Buddie and Chris scene <3

Look not to be a total shill for Buddie (who am I kidding we all know what I am) but there's something so...weirdly intimate about Eddie just knowing their pizza order. And it's their order, not just Buck's, like Eddie would be joining them if he wasn't meeting "Marisol."

They are seriously family shaped and I love them.

Jee and Chim and Maddie GOD I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

Now, for the elephant in the room: Kim and Eddie going on a date behind Marisol (and Buck’s) back. Look, I know I’m in the vast, vast minority here, but I don’t hate a cheating arc in fiction. It happens in life, more often than most people want to think about, and it makes for an interesting storyline. But at this point, Eddie hasn’t really cheated (even thought I was CONVINCED he had with that flashback lmao). He’s toeing a dangerous line, yeah, but having dinner with Kim isn’t inherently cheating, even though he is lying to Buck and his real actual girlfriend.

It’s fascinating to see him be okay with this but his “catholic guilt” stands in the way of him having sex with his girlfriend because she was a nun once. I think him seeing Kim like this really hammers home the point that he doesn’t even really like Marisol. He’s certainly not committed to her in any meaningful way, or he wouldn’t be entertaining Kim.

And let’s not forget, he’s lying to Kim too! He told her he was single and he’s not!

Kim isn’t Shannon, she will never be able to fill that void that Eddie is still desperately searching to fill, because no one can fill that void, not even Shannon.

The theme of the episode is, in its way, stalking. The overall plotline of Kyle stalking and kidnapping women, Eddie sort of following Kim around, even Karen making that offhanded comment that she felt like a stalker. But it feels like Eddie's guilt and unprocessed grief over his relationship with Shannon is stalking him in a way. He believes that their relationship was perfect, that if he could just find the right woman, everything would be fixed, he wouldn't have to grieve her anymore. But that's just not how things work, and I don't believe that there is any woman, not even Shannon herself, that could fit on the pedestal that Eddie has created for her.

The way that Shannon has kind of haunted Eddie's narrative from the moment she died, how she looms over every relationship he has... he's always chasing her memory, but not her true memory, he's chasing the memory that he's creating for himself. The beautiful one where they never fought, he never ran, she never left. But that memory doesn't exist, and it never has.

Eddie is looking for something that he’ll never be able to find. He’s looking for a woman that can be the mother that Shannon was to Chris, but with a partnership that doesn’t make him want to run away…or panic…or cheat.

Where is he going to find that? I think we all know he’s already found it, just not with a woman.

I’ll be so interested to see what this turns into. I love the idea that Buck or one of the others meets Kim and she looks nothing like Shannon to them, because it would be so unsettling for everyone to basically be like “what are you seeing in this random woman that makes you think of your dead wife?” What’s the fallout going to be? Eddie is obviously not well, he’s spiraling and will likely hide it from everyone, just like he tried to hide his struggles with PTSD from everyone as well.

He’s such a fascinating character, and I think the way the writers are bringing up this catholic guilt storyline now could be really compelling if it leads to a larger realization. Marisol is a red herring, we don’t even care enough about her to learn her last name, but she’s a catalyst for Eddie’s guilt at being with someone that brings up his feelings about religion, about what’s “right” and “wrong." And I feel like this could lead to a larger realization.

Maybe even about the man who is more of his partner and parent to his son than any of his girlfriends have been.